How to Deal with Loss and Recover from It


Know that you're not alone going through this! There are other people going through the same thing. Join a divorce support group or any other support group to connect with other people going through the same thing. You can exchange experience and ideas and help each other recover from the loss.


Know that help is available if you ask for it. Get all the help you can get from various sources, do not be shy and intimidated to ask for help. Do not bottle up your feelings inside yourself trying to deal with it on your own. Talk to friends, counselors; get professional help of whatever kind of help you need. There are a lot of people out there willing to and ready to help someone like you for what you are going through.


Know that recovery is a process, healing from your grief will take time and it's a process. You will go through various stages in this process- the first one is denial:" No, how can this be?", "Why this happened to me?", "I can't live without him (or her)!", "My life is ruined! I'm finished!", "No this can't be true! This is a nightmare!"...After a while you will move on to the next stage which is profound grief. Crying can actually provide relief for your grief; do not bottle your feelings inside! After a while you will probably get angry at the other person:" How can you do this to me?", "How can you leave me after everything we've been through?" you can even be angry at God:" Why do you allow this to happen?!"


After being angry for a while, sad for a while, in denial for a while, then finally you will come to terms with what is. You will be ready to accept the facts and accept the loss in your life as a fact of life. There is nothing you can do to change what happened, so you have to accept it. You can use this prayer to accept the fact of loss in your life:" God, help me to accept what I cannot change! Help me to change what I can and grant me the wisdom to know the difference!"


Then concentrate your efforts on moving on with your life. If you lost a loved one or your spouse left you, the only thing you can do is live you life and try to be happy without him/her. I personally like the song "I WILL SURVIVE" that says: "I got all my life to live, I got all my love to give, I will survive, yeah!"


If you lost a child, mourn you loss but you cannot mourn forever or you will slip into depression. You must eventually move on with life and concentrate on the living. You can do a lot of things- you can help orphans, you can donate money for child diseases research, you can adopt an orphan from a third world country, you can give money and things to charity in the memory of your lost loved one, you can adopt a pet from a shelter and so on.


If you lost your job, you must concentrate all your effort to get another job. Or you might consider starting a small business, going back to school and updating your skills, getting new certifications and qualifications, going to career counseling and so on.


If you lost custody of your child, doesn't mean that you're a bad parent. Maybe your ex had a better lawyer, more money to hire a good lawyer and used the law in his favor! Fighting for custody often turns into a bitter battle and turns ugly. Just because the other person got custody doesn't mean that he's better than you! It means he applied law tactics and paid a lot of money to his/her lawyer to win custody! Try to stay involved in your child's life as much as possible even if the other parent is not cooperating and is trying to isolate the child from you! Do everything that you can to stay in your child's life!


Know that life is a game and you can't always win! Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. But if you think long enough and deep enough about it you will realize that there is some kind of gain that comes from a loss. For example, you lost you spouse because he left you but you gain your freedom and independence to do whatever you want with the rest of your life!


So if you think about it deep enough you will find out that you gained something from the loss. Maybe you gained more wisdom or some kind of insight from the divorce, or you gained independence and self-reliance when you ended your co-depended relationship. And when he broke up with you, you gained your freedom! You are free to choose who to date, what to do and where to go without giving explanations to somebody else!

Loss is a universal human experience. Maybe you lost a loved one, your spouse or your child, maybe you lost your job or your house, or maybe you lost all you life savings with bad investments- loss is a part of life. I remember somebody said that "when you win you don't know what you're losing and when you lose, you don't know what you're winning." Everybody deals with some kind of loss in their life and although it might feel like you're all alone going through this, in fact you are not alone in this! But how you cope with life's losses will determine the quality of the rest of your life- whether you slip into depression or you move on and try to enjoy life again. Here are some steps about how to cope with loss in your life: